Sin Talk

This semester I am up for the sin talk again and my perspective has changed since than. Kind of. Sin is us trying to figure out a need. That need is love. We fill that need with things. Some of us going really dark and we know that story because well it's preached over and over again. I think I want to focus on the mediocre. The people who do not think they have that need. I am talking about the kids with straight A's. The kids with a stable home. The kids who play soccer well. The kids who don't know they need a savior. 

I grew up as one of these kids. I always thought I knew Jesus. The more and more I read, the more and more how I see I judged people in the past, the more and more I see I am or was the Pharisee. I was the one wanting to stone Mary Magdalene. I was the one judging the woman with the alabaster box. The one judging the tax collector. The one thinking Jesus was nuts and deserved to die. Why? Because I was religious. I thought I knew love and that's where my mistake was. I never really accepted Jesus' love until recently. To think you know Jesus' love is to open a door to pride. The sin that began this mess. 

Jesus' love extends to EVERYONE. No exception. That statement right there is mind blowing. What is even more mind blowing is that Jesus commanded us to love like He loves. That love I am talking about is the one that is mentioned in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope"". If I love like Jesus' love that means I want the VERY BEST for those who I think have wronged me. Even that statement there has a human element because Jesus keeps no record of who wronged Him. My flesh fights this to it's very core. For example, my dad cheated on my mom and abandoned us when I was eight. According to "human justice", I am in my 100% right to hate my dad. This doesn't fly though with Jesus' love. If I truly understand love than I would want my dad who I haven't seen for 20 plus years now, to prosper. To have a good life. To have retirement, to be in good health. The hardest part is that the woman who I have loved since birth, doesn't even have these things. That is nuts. 

Without love, I am nothing. Without love, I am a useless YoungLife leader. Without love, I am a husk. Godless, filled with hate, trying to fill this primal desire for justice. With love, I can let go. I can move on. I can forgive. I can LIVE. I am the first to admit, I hold grudges and for a long time. God is working on that though. He is showing me the path to non-violence. He is showing me how to forgive, truly forgive. To see what He sees. 

I am the new worker at the vineyard and I am grateful that the love is God is equal to the love He gave (gives?) to Tom Momono, shoot even King David. To God, all of us humans are equal and I am appreciative of that. I want my boys to have the same thing. That when they see through the love of God, that their home lives will be fixed. That they see themselves as wonderful creations of God and not the labels man puts on them. That they see past trying to make a fake identity. That they see they are loved for who they are. That they see there is a God who is more than a guy in a book. That they feel the love of a being who wants the very best for them. 

Anyways this is my late night thought of the week. In summary, Jesus' love is the opposite of sin. It doesn't make sense but it heals all things. 

-Dainish

Path to Love 4-5

Late night thoughts. It hit me today, that if I never have a wife or kids this life was worth it. To be given the opportunity by the King to help turn lives around is worth it. Even if I died alone when I am old and saggy, it was worth it because to show these kids that life is more than their troubles at school, than the blunt or the drink. To show them that there is a love out there, that someone, a being beyond our existence cares for them. That He wants them to succeed. That He wants them to experience love and return it to others. Anything is worth the price to know that God used me to save someone else's life. Even if it's just one of my boys (which I know is a understatement).

Like for instance, one of the boys, Josh, I have been pouring into last year and this year. This kid went from not knowing too much about God to now being a leader for WyldeLife. Out of faith he quit his job because they told him he had to work the nights he had meetings and clubs. Crazy thing is God gave him a job at McDonalds as a manager. Out of the freakin blue. Same for my cousin. This is how I know I serve a living God. God said "He provides for our every need". And I see it. I see it in my boy's lives. I am so proud to be a part of it. 

This is love. To give up what I want. To give up what I want to pursue. To give up my time to rest. To give up and give into these boys lives. They are learning forgiveness. They are learning sacrifice. They are learning how to put others before them. They are learning to love. 

God is love. God is not love. God is not not love because well, He is beyond our definition of love, beyond what we know that He is more than what we think He is more than love. He created love. I promise, once you start recognizing that, recognizing God is more than what you think He is and more and than more than that, you will start seeing His heart. You will start forgiving. You will see the silver linings in everything. You don't get panicked at life. You start seeing people how he sees people. 

My Path to Love

I am a different man than I was two years ago. No, even a year ago. Last summer at camp, I did something I never thought I would do. I accepted Jesus. Whoah....ok there is some backstory to this.

I grew up in the church and went to Christian school my whole life. During my whole youth I thought God was judging my every turn. I know it was preached at me that God's love was for everyone but I never saw myself needing His love. Why? Because I was living a life of "works". I thought for the longest time I earned God's love. 

Of course, my early and mid twenties proved that is not how it works. I got my world rocked right when I started my first job. At the warehouse, I felt I was surrounded by sinners.  The more I got to know them the harder it was to walk the "Path". Eventually I became a "sinner" too. 

Church became hard because I kept thinking "How does anyone make it into Heaven?" I got more into drinking and smoking pot. Trying to find purpose in this life. I would go through depression about every three months. Instead of trying to earn God's love now, I was trying to earn the love of my friends and even myself.

Fast foward through the usual early and mid twenties drama and now we are at July 10, 2015 during the last night at YoungLife camp at Crooked Creek. The last night is at the end of the final talk they send the kids and us leaders to find a spot alone and pray. I found a spot overlooking the lake there with the mountains in the background. There was a thunderstorm in the distance. I know this sounds cliche. There was something in the air though, more like someone. It was God.

I was weeping over my boys because I learned their back stories and all the pain they have endured. For some, they are still fighting. I was begging God that He would show Himself to them. That they would know His love. That's when it hit me. I didn't know God's love. My whole life of earning love was fruitless. It was insane. I felt that day the true love of God. I told God I was done trying to earn His love and that I was ready to receive it.

From that day on, God has been changing me. My community is out of the roof. I am surrounded by people who don't live a life in shame but of freedom. We tell each other everything and there is no judgement. Just like how Jesus intended. God found me a new church! I have been challenged almost every week by my pastor. He even changed the way I pray. I listen more and talk less now. He is now teaching me what real love is. How deep and how far it goes. That through love I see myself as the Saducee or as the Samaritan woman. That love has shown me I'm not perfect. I'm not close to being one of Jesus' 12. Through love, I am now a self-aware Pharisee. I see now where I have a hard time forgiving and I am quick to judge. And on the other hand, I am an outcast at the well looking for a way to heaven.  I relate more to the oppressive Roman Empire than I do the Hebrew slave. Love is showing me my flaws and how to correct them. Love is teaching me to see the why behind the what we do. To see the sinner and not the sin. 

What is sin?

What's going on internet! Long time no see. I have been tasked with the Intro to Sin talk and I got to admit it's a hard and long one. I didn't know where to start. Do I start off with a verse? A story? So I put myself where my kids sit. What are they thinking? Do they know what sin is? And it hit me, I should start with what sin actually is.


What it is, and what it isn't

I'll start with the "is nots". Sin is not watching pornography. It is not cheating on a test. Or lying. Or having sex. Sin is not a verb. It is not an action. Sin is a noun. Some describe it as a wall, gap or a disease. I describe it as a thirst. Paul said this life is the "Great Race". Sin is that thirst and the "verbs" is what we do to fulfill that thirst. So imagine you are running a marathon accept in this marathon you have this thing we call Life handing you junk like Coca-Cola or Red-bull, Yeah, they will quench your thirst for a little bit but down the line you will end up with a cramp or get dangerously dehydrated.

We can say the same thing on the opposite end. Reading the Bible everyday does not make you saved. Feeding the poor, never doing anything really bad, being a pastor, being a good dad/mom, etc, etc, does not mean you are saved. Jesus Himself said "depart from me, I never knew you" to people who were casting out demons! It's not the actions you have done in this life, it's about if you accepted the Gift Jesus tries to give all us. Everything else is "meaningless".

Going back to the marathon, the good things are your protein shakes or wheat grass shots. Yeah they are good for you, but after awhile you are going to get sick of those too. Among all this chaos of Life though there is a guy running along side you yelling "Hey, I got this awesome water, just meet me halfway!" The first person who took this guy's offer was a woman. No she was never named. We just know she was from Samaria. That woman is known as today as the Samaritan woman and she never thirsted again.


There are other stories though of people who never found out how to quench that thirst. They are people struggling today. I have friends who try to please God by following rules who keep messing up over and over again. They think God is this big white guy in the sky with a messy beard judging their every action, thought, internet link, word, etc, etc. They don't know that God is more than someone who is just in a book, more than a fantasy, more than prayer, more than a deity who is CONSTANTLY disappointed in them. They don't know God actually loves their positives and their negatives. They don't know that every rule they follow or break is meaningless. They don't know that God's love is not deserved, that it is given.

The Folly of Reckless Love

"There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm."-Willa Cather

My friend Nick posted that on Facebook and it had me thinking. I have learned this lesson over and over again. I was talking to another friend about what we learned this past year and I told her "I don't think I will ever love as recklessly as I did in the past." I have been thinking a lot about that statement because honestly, it just came out.  Reckless love is a wonderful and beautiful thing. Reckless love is a "face value" love. Reckless love is a bet with high risks, and like high risks, you can lose everything.

Reckless love is like buying a house and not taking a tour. The house could be perfect. Or it could have plumbing issues. Reckless love is a hail Mary in the winds of fate. The last two relationships I have been in,I took this bet and I lost a bit of myself each time. I have weathered those storms and have learned, reckless is not for me.

My heart of heart's desire is to find a wife. I have put it into God's hands. The next relationship I am in, I am taking my time. Checking the walls for cracks and that the foundation was built on stone. When I see the red flags, that I address it. Reckless love ignores the cracks, ignores the "no-go zones". You accept the unacceptable things.  Where you put your anger underneath a rug and lie to yourself. " Anger as soon as fed is dead, tis starving that makes it fat."

I lost my Reckless Love in this last storm. I got my heart back again. Never will I give it away so fast. A person who keeps coming back to the source of pain should not blame the source. He should blame himself. If you keep putting your hand on a hot plate you are going to get burned. Until marriage, I will be in charge of guarding my heart as the way it should be. If I am in charge of guarding my heart than I can control it. I can feel my anger and forgive quickly. I can avoid getting hurt and let go way more easier.

You know, misery is wasted on the miserable

I just got done watching the latest season of Louis on Netflix. I know I know, this is another "Hey I am getting over my last relationship post" but this scene really stuck to me.  This is the scene between Louis and Dr. Bigelow:

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Bigelow: So you took a chance on being happy, even though you knew that later on you would be sad.

Louis: Yeah.

Bigelow: And now... you're sad.

Louis: Yeah.

Bigelow: So... what's the problem?

Louis: I'm too sad.... Look, I liked the feeling of being in love with her. I liked it. But now she's gone and I miss her and it sucks. And I didn't think it was going to be this bad, and I feel like, why even be happy if it's just going to lead to this, you know? It wasn't worth it.

Bigelow: You know, misery is wasted on the miserable.

Louis: What?

Bigelow: You know, I'm not entirely sure what your name is, but you are a classic idiot. You think spending time with her, kissing her, having fun with her, you think that's what it was all about? That was love?

Louis: Yeah.

Bigelow: THIS is love. Missing her, because she's gone. Wanting to die.... You're so lucky. You're like a walking poem. Would you rather be some kind of a fantasy? Some kind of a Disney ride? Is that what you want? Don't you see? This is the good part. This is what you've been digging for all this time. Now you finally have it in your hand, this sweet nugget of love, sweet, sad love, and you want to throw it away. You've got it all wrong.

Louis: I thought this was the bad part.

Bigelow: No! The bad part is when you forget her, when you don't care about her, when you don't care about anything. The bad part is coming, so enjoy the heartbreak while you can, for God's sakes. Pick up the dog poop, would you please? Lucky sonofabitch. I haven't had my heart broken since Marilyn walked out on me, since I was 35 years old. What I would give to have that feeling again.... You know, I'm not really sure what your name is, but you may be the single most boring person I have ever met. No offense.
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I can feel myself starting to stop caring but last night I had a dream where I was talking to someone I did not know. The last part of that conversation was I admitted "I miss her, I miss her a lot". Now taking that scene from Louis and working on being grateful I have come up with this. I am grateful that at least for a few months someone put me in their life plan. That for a little while I got to fantasize with someone about having an awesome wedding. That I am grateful I got to imagine what our kids would look like and what his or her name would be. Even if I never meet someone again. at least for a moment, someone loved me.

Don't get me wrong, I am hurt still but I miss that feeling of love. And I guess I am lucky I got to experience love. Never before have I felt such a emotional, spiritual and physical love.  That is why I miss it. Because once you have it, that is all you think about. You want to be with that person all the time. This is why this hurts so much. I had something that I didn't know how much I wanted. I lost it. The tragic part of this is the incredible amount of love I had has turned into something demented and bitter. Where I struggle daily with anger and forgiveness at the same time.

Again I am grateful for the love I felt and I wish somehow it worked out the way we planned it. I must move on though. I have to stop caring and let go.

Tom Momono, my dad and my last hero.

Today I learned that my last hero, mentor, youth pastor, and dad (no relation but he was more than just a fill-in) passed away with his fight with cancer. This blog is to remind me of his lessons in case I ever forget. To go back in my mind when I was learning about who I was in my teens and to recall the long talks me and Tom had.

Back when I was a teenager, Tom would pick me and my siblings up and take us out for cool lunches or dinners. He mentored us during these hangout sessions. He taught me things on strength, making right decisions, honor, chivalry, having undying faith in God, and adventure. Tom is the best model I have on how to be a true and loving father. I am sad I did not get to say goodbye but I am glad his suffering is over.

When it comes to strength, Tom taught me that nothing I encounter in life is to big for me as I have God on my side. That really my strength is God's strength. That since God is my strength than there is nothing to big for me. I have embraced that throughout my life. I may wallow and cry but I end up getting out of the holes I make, life makes and other's make. I make a goal or am given a goal, and I crush them. That is because of what I was taught in my formidable years. Strength, that stuff that gives you the way to conquer life.

Honor is something Tom taught and had. He quit smoking for us kids so that he could be a better example. He never hid it or anything. He knew that hiding things about his life was dishonorable. That eventually God would bring it to light. So he suffered and conquered in front of us. He stopped smoking cold turkey and put his faith in God's strength. Out of all the leaders in my life, nothing was in Tom's closet because he never had one. He lived his life accountable to God and to his kids.

Tom also taught me on making right decisions. He taught me that yes it is hard sometimes to do the right thing especially when it does not go in my favor but that I should for my soul and conscious do the right thing. These teachings have kept me from being a drug addict or alcoholic. From making life changing consequences that I am not ready for yet. Saving friendships and admitting I was wrong. Ending debates quickly by asking for forgiveness and owning up to my faults.

When I talked to Tom a few months ago, his faith was still unshaken. He was not mad at God or questioning Him. Tom was sure God had him in His hands. That even if he did not make it, that he was going to a WAY better place. There was no doubt in his voice, just like he was 10 + years ago. I admit that I could work on this but Tom gave me an example on what and how to do it.

Last but not least Tom taught me to embrace adventure. What is adventure? Anything outside my comfort zone. Thanks to Tom I have a deep love of sushi and just good food in general. Tom also took gambles on the weird kids and the underdogs. I am a little bit of both. Tom took his time with me. He showed me what it meant to be a true leader. That no one deserved to be left out. That everyone has a story that needs to be heard and never judged. That people just want someone to listen. To not say anything for a change. And he is right.

Tom's legacy has and is living on through me. I have my Living Water boys who were "savages". Now they are responsible young men on fire for God. They help their communities and give their time to the less fortunate. Some have even went on missions trips. My Young Life boys are learning the same rules. Learning that they can be bad ass and be a gentleman at the same time. That women are not objects. To feel their feelings and do the right thing.  They are behaved and actually listen to the messages. I love these kids and would die for anyone of them to give them another chance to live life. Just like Tom did for me.

Tom you changed me. You took an angry kid and made him into a smart, loving, funny young man. Without you I would have went down some dark roads that thanks to you I missed. I cannot thank you enough. I am going to miss you a bunch. I promise to show these kids the things you showed me. To live my life with more honor. To be transparent and to get rid of my closet. That honor and honesty go hand-in-hand. I love you Tom.

-Dain